...
buda:

you know, I do think about killing myself. not to actually commit suicide but just to ... think about it! I used to think that there is something about killing yourself that I just can't understand , that wouldn't make sense, that wasn't right ...

time passed by. ages come and go and now I sit back and I know. I just know how you can reach that point. I know how much of a burden you should feel. I know everything. I might be smart enough but i'm not strong enough. 

maybe I should be happy that I failed. but the thing is ,,, I am not. 

and that's how my story begins.